When To Speak Up and When To Be Quiet
Knowing when to remain quiet and when to speak up is crucial, and it’s one of the most underrated soft skills you can learn.
Having a voice does not mean you should always use it.
At some point in life, some more than others, we’ve been offended by someone, and our first instinct is to respond immediately, but that’s not always the right thing to do. You don’t need to defend yourself, explain, or do everything to win that debate.
Sometimes, the best thing you can do is stay quiet. Every time you rush to defend yourself, you give the other person exactly what they wanted: your attention, power over you, and over your emotional support.
Don’t give them that power. Just imagine if someone tries to offend you, and instead of reacting, you just laugh and walk away. How do you think that makes them feel? Probably not as satisfied as they expected, because you didn’t give them what they wanted, a simple reaction just to provoke you, and start a real problem.
No reactions means no control, which leads to ending the problem before it even starts
When to Speak Up
Innovation does not come from people who wait until they are 100% sure.
- Your Boundaries are being crossed: I always recommend you try to walk away, because you never know who you are dealing with, but sometimes, staying quiet doesn’t keep the peace. It always depends on the situation and environment, whether you are at a party or at a work meeting. Firstly, in a party or in some similar event, keep your mouth shut and walk away.
Some people don’t mind ruining their own lives just to ruin yours. Don’t try to be the hero and avoid any confrontational situation by stepping back.On the other hand, if you are in a work meeting, don’t let anyone disrespect you. I don’t mean to start answering back to everything they say, but when you let someone cross your boundaries, they will keep crossing them. Be respectful, but impose your limits, and remember all that information.
I wrote earlier in the post about when to pause and think if it’s really necessary to say certain things, and say what should be said. Again, try to be as respectful as you can. Don’t be a bully just because someone is trying to bully you.
A calm, professional response often leaves the bully feeling embarrassed, while you maintain your dignity. - You’ll Regret Being Silent: Every single one of us has encountered a situation when we wanted to talk, maybe to answer or ask a question, talk to someone, or even to make a simple comment on something. But you didn’t, you hesitated so much that the time went by, and there was no need for you to talk.
Your habit of suppressing your thoughts and ideas may lead you to think your opinions aren’t valuable or solid, damaging your confidence and self-esteem. If you believe you have something beneficial to add to the conversation, then do it. In meetings or even a class, there are no stupid questions, even if you feel like it is.
That question may lead to another one as good or even better. Just because you can’t express what you want to say doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. Talk to the girl or guy you think is cute, ask that unpolished question, as long as you are not disrespecting anyone, I don’t think you should stay quiet.
When I started The Champ Sight, I’ll be honest, I didn’t know what I was doing. I just knew I loved to write, and then I began. I didn’t know how to create a website, what to post, or even if you would find it helpful, but I still did it. I did it because I wanted to do it, not because I was sure.
In my previous post I did some research about how people’s motivation for undertaking a particular activity or project impacts the outcome and how they will feel when carrying it out. If it’s of interest, feel free to read it.
- Stepping Up For Someone: Speaking Up isn’t about defending you or your own ego, it’s about supporting someone who can’t do it by themselves. We see opportunities for this every day: a colleague who is too nervous to finish their point in a meeting, a student being mocked during a presentation, or even a stranger being bullied in public. In these moments, you and your voicecan be the shield for someone else.
I want to be very clear and upfront. Don’t try to be the hero. Sometimes words are enough to stop a misunderstanding. You don’t need to intervene directly, but just calling the police, a security guard, or someone in charge is more than enough.
There are people who feel pleasure in traumatising other people, but won’t know how to react when they are confronted back, a simple call out like “There is no need to argue over this” or, maybe in a meeting, “I think we should let him finish his point”.If you think your presence there won’t make a difference, sometimes the best option is to either reach someone who will or walk away.
Every day, we witness events on the news, online, and in person, where those who help often end up in trouble.
When To Be Quiet
There are multiple occasions for you to be quiet. Studies show that a few minutes of silence can boost your mood—specifically, research by Pfeifer and Wittmann (2020) highlights how silence increases relaxation.
- High Tension: Have you ever felt so irritated that you needed to respond, only to feel terrible right after? Perhaps during a fight with your friends, parents, or even a stranger?
I have. And that’s when I learn, not from the first, second, or even tenth time, that reacting in the heat of the moment will, most of the time, lead to regret. You need to manage that urge to talk back, learn to pause, take a big breath, and then tell yourself if you should say what you were planning to say. If you don’t think it would be right, then stay quiet.
Protect Your Mental State: Silence can prevent unnecessary stress and conflict. When you lose the habit of instantly reacting, you give your nervous system some time to settle. Your thoughts begin to stay organized in your head, and your emotions start to cool down.
From now on, ask this question every time you want to act on impulse:
“Is that necessary?”
If the answer isn’t a confident yes, then staying quiet is your best weapon and the wiser move.- Still Learning: It’s easy to feel pressure about having an opinion on every conversation you have. Sometimes you see something on a paper, online, or even in a book that you agree with, and the moment someone presents a different view, you feel like you need to answer right away.
Before you decide to speak, be sure that you have enough research to support your opinion and answer the questions that might come next. Otherwise, it may backfire on you.
Listening with your head and not your heart gives you time to refine your understanding and to speak with confidence when it matters. If someone presents you with a fact that you didn’t know about, don’t try to give your opinion.
Many people confuse facts with opinions, and when facts are present, opinions without solid evidence add little value.
In such situations, your best option is to hold back from responding, at least until you have concrete proof to support your position on that argument.
Knowing when to be quiet protects your peace.
Knowing when to speak up shields your virtue.
